Progression

Okay, today wasn't so bad. I have begun to change my life somewhat. Yesterday on the train I decided that I am not just going to say something, I'm going to do it like I used to. So my three words of motivation became determination, will, sacrifice. So when I got home I politely gave my son about 30 minutes to tell me what happened to him throughout the day, then I threw him int he bathtub, cleaned the room, took out the bathroom trash, and put him to bed. Once that was done I put in an hour or two into studying fluid mechanics.

Today I spent about two hours at work sparingly studying as well.

At work I have changed my attitude as well. Since one of my co-workers has it out for me and has her little Mini-me trying to take my spot, I decided to make my turnover rate of work more noticeable. So sucks for her...

As for my family problems, I have decided to just say to hell with it for now. It was defiantly a relationship I cherished, but shyt I cant deal with the stress. I am on the edge and until I can pull myself up I'm not going to let push me over the limit. My son's life is at stake as well as mines. I cant keep putting us on the side to help family that only cares about themselves. No more sacrificing my last, because when it comes back to me they show up to take that too.

That also means that I am no longer sacrificing for my boyfriends either. I decided that if you ain't shyt without me, then what the hell do I need you for. I mean I am already raising one boy to a man, why would I take on another that I didn't even create.

Well besides all that today I accomplished studying, I hit some credit bills, Paid my CC bill off(1 of them), and I'm waiting patiently for a damn response from my last two credit killers.

Pray that I get an A on this damn test tomorrow. Tired of seeing the damn Indians and Africans doing better than me in class with Sunoco shirts on.

What a Year

Let me tell you that this last year has been a trip. For all of you who have just fell back into my world or entered it for the first time, I am Azenith.

In the past year I have gone back to school, held down a job for a whole year, put my son in school, fixed my credit, left my parents home, left my cousins home, went back home, still looking for a house to buy...My car got hit three..four seperate times, was shot and now has a piece of leather missing on the drivers seat.

My son thinks hes spiderman and answers to the name Toby Maguire. He is a four year old going on fifteen, who turns the light on in the car while we are drving in hopes that the cops will take him to jail so that he can finally meet his father. He says his prayers evrynight, hoping that he'll have a job one day so that he will always have a balck car and dollars in his pocket.

I didnt even mention losing my liscense, my sanity or my patience...but that will come...

Welcome to my world.